Jen and Me

*I'm reposting this from my Myspace blog *

To be honest, I don't really know what happened, and I probably never will. Jen was probably one of the best things that ever walked into my life ever, and without a doubt the single best thing thats happened to me in the last three years. I was happier with her than I've been in as long as I can remember, and before I could even blink it was over. One day she's telling me how completly in love with me she is, and promising that she was in this relationship for the long haul, the very next day she told me she can't do it anymore.

Like I said, I really don't know what happened. Jen can claim it was the distance if she'd like but she never once asked me to move out there in all our time together. She never told me the distance was getting to her despite all the time I spent talking to her until the very end, and than flat out refused my offer to move there the next day if the distance was the only problem. She can say 'we weren't communicating' if she wants, and perhaps it has some truth to it, but to be honest, you can not say that if you're unwilling to actually sit down and talk things through. I was willing to do whatever needed to be done to keep our relationship going, and she flat out refused on every count. As far as I'm concerened Jen's being selfish and taking the easy way out like she's done with everything else in her life. No relationship comes without its hard times, and the first difficult time we went through she up and bolted despite telling me she never would.

It hurts, and it hurts a lot. There's no other way to put it, I'm pretty well devastated. I have no idea why someone would walk out on every promise they've ever made me, but I'm done trying to guess. I've done everything I physically can to try and repair this, and its time now to give up and move on. I'd rather not, this is someone I loved with every ounce of my being, and this was a relationship I truly believed in, but I'm tired of throwing my love away and getting none back in return.

I wish I could somehow harden my heart towards her, but I honestly can't. I've tried more than once since this first began, and everytime it just rings hollow and fake. You can't love someone as much as I did, turn around one day and start hating them. I care far to much, so I'll just say this in closing. The door always open.