The Cat In the Loft

So I took a big shot of Claritin after everyone went to bed, and checked out the damage in the loft just now, and it's pretty bad. While most of the damage to the couch was contained by the bed spread that was on top of it, the cat still managed to piss all over it, and it absolutely reeks. There's not much I can do with leather. There's a lot of new and stinky spots on the carpeting as well, and I'll have to try some of the carpet cleaner I've got left over and see if they will do any good. My computer doesn't seem to be functioning properly either. It turns on but won't boot. Mel said she thought she smelled something burnt behind the TV earlier so I checked it out as well and almost gagged. It's not burned, it's cat piss. It pissed directly into the innards of my 37" TV. While the TV still turns on, I can't seem to get any picture on it. It seems that my big screen monitor is now toast. I'll try fiddling with it later when I can actually stand to be up there for more then 10 minutes (thats all I could manage even with drugs before I started weezing), but it doesn't look good.

As foolish as it sounds (and is) it feels like someone delibrately targeted my favorite belongings and wrecked them. I'd love to wring someones neck over this, but its just a cat, and how can I get angry at it. It won't do a shred of good. So here I am, minus my big screen TV, possibly minus my computer, and a couch I saved forever to buy smelling like cat piss. I can't afford to replace anything so I'm just totally screwed. I can't blame anyone, and I can't get mad at anyone, I just have to suck it up, but its certainly made the Lothlorien DT's a lot worse.

Finally it just feels eerily symbolic that the TV would die now of all times. I left for camping feeling like I was loosing the best group of friends I've ever had. With everyone graduating college this year, and looking towards moving on with their own lives I felt like this was really the last time we'd all be together. I've noticed we've all started to grow apart in the last several months, and with the things that are going on in my own life I just have this horrible feeling this was the last time I'd see everyone. To come home than, and find the object that the group took as its namesake destroyed just feels very off putting.

....of comming home.

I'll make another post about the rest of my camping trip later, as I had a really good time. I have a lot to just talk about, however, right now I just want to talk about today (Sunday).

I really did not want to go home today. I knew the dreaded Loth DTs would set back in. Early on I thought about just taking off as soon as possible, hoping to make it easier on myself later, but for a lot of reasons decided to stay for a bit longer. I almost talked myself into staying an extra night, but I decided that Mel and Val probably would prefer the alone time, and I really wasn't to keen on the idea of spending the night by myself with just my thoughts. So despite my efforts the Loth DT's eventually caught up with me. The thought of coming back home, and dealing with the mess I've left here, and the myriad of crap thats been keeping me awake for the last month really weighed down on my heart. I didn't have a single night of insomnia the entire time there. It was so good to just slide into bed, and fall right asleep without your brain keeping you awake for hours with nagging doubts, what-ifs, and questions about your future.

I worked through a lot of the weight thats been hanging around me while I was down there, especially a lot of the stuff relating to Jen, but there's still a lot on my shoulders. Whether or not I'm making the right choice. Whether I should consider other options. Whether I'm wasting my time trying as hard as I am. Whether I'll even be able to pass this stupid ARMs test, or whether they'll just go tell me to jump in a lake. There's still a lot of self-doubt around my neck, and despite the healing power of Loth for many things, thats not something that can be cleaned up by simple meditation. It was nice not to have to worry about any of that crap while I was down there, and to just be able to be myself again, but I know now that I'm back that I have to deal with it all one way or another.

So I enjoyed my last moments in the woods, and leaving was bitter sweet for, again, a lot of reasons. I actually, almost cried. I don't know if, and when I'll be able to go back, and that's something else that really weighed me down as I pulled through the gates. I had such a wonderful time this year that I don't want to even contemplate that this could be the last time I get to go for a loooooong time. I'm fairly greatful I was so tired on the drive back. It didn't give my brain much of a chance to think about that, and I pulled into my house around 10:30, tired but still very happy for all the things that happened while at Loth.

I went to end a good but tiring day in the garage by watching some Duck Tales (hey I can't help it its part of my childhood), and put myself to sleep on my comfortable leather couch. No sooner had I opened the door than something launched itself at me hissing and screaming. Having no idea what the hell was going on, and unable to see anything since it was midnight and dark, I charged forward screaming, only to scare the living day lights out of a scrawny cat. He'd apparently figured out a way into the garage, and had been using my loft as a toilet. Not the whole loft mind you, mostly my very nice couch. Thankfully most of the damage is confined to the bed spread I covered the couch in, but its still pretty bad. I can't even work up there to clean it up right now. The whole area is so covered in cat my allergies went hay wire shortly after walking in the door. I chased the cat downstairs where he hid in a pile of machinery.

I really wish I hadn't gone up there as it's puts such a sour note on what was a pretty good day, and an amazingly relaxing weekend. I suppose just like unpacking, the cat and its mess will have to wait until tomorrow, and a huge shot of Claritin and Benadryl. *sigh* Getting back to the real world truly sucks.

The Soundtrack to Your Life

I did this along time ago on Myspace, and decided to redo it today. What you do is open your music player on your computer, randomize it, and go through each question, putting in a new song for each answer to generate the soundtrack to your life. The last time I did it, it was a little more profound than this one, but I think I still got a pretty good Soundtrack. How's yours?

Your Life: The Soundtrack
Opening credits:	Lightning Crashes - Live
Waking up:	Sympathy For the Devil - The Rolling Stones
Average day:	Stomp Box - They Might Be Giants
First date:	Hush - Squirrel Nut Zippers
Falling in love:	Psychobilly Freakout - The Reverend Horton Heat
Love scene:	El Mariachi - Gypsy Kings
Fight scene:	Every Dog Has His Day - Flogging Molly
Breaking up:	You Won't See Me - The Beatles
Getting back together:	Blush - Razed in Black
Secret love:	Pretty When You Cry - Vast
Life's okay:	Carry On My Wayward Son - Kansas
Mental breakdown:	Paint it Black - The Rolling Stones
Driving:	Speed - Covenant
Learning a lesson:	Dance Hall - Modest Mouse
Deep thought:	Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
Flashback:	The Only Living Boy in New York - Simon and Garfunkel
Partying:	Down With the Ship - Enter the Haggis
Happy dance:	Life In A Glass House - Radiohead
Regreting:	Diane - Guster
Long night alone:	Blue Moon - Billie Holiday
Death scene:	Honey - Moby
Closing credits:	Numb - Disturbed
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