No energy left of a witty title

I've been fired from my job. There I've said it, and gotten it out of the way. After two years of breaking my back, and working myself half to death I was 'let go'. I knew this was comming, I know I shouldn't be surprised and hurt, but I am. They've made it obvious for months now that they wanted me to quit, especially since my friend Todd left for a new job.

I think its starting to sound cliche, but this couldn't have happened at a worse time. I know I didn't want to stay there much longer, and I had a few irons in the fire to try and get things moving. I needed some extra money,and I needed to get caught up on my college loan payments. Now what little money I have left has to go towards keeping my loans going for another month, and anything I might have thought about doing for my own future is trashed.

My life is seriously feeling like one long Bugs Bunny cartoon. The one where Elmer Fudd falls down the stairs, and you hear him falling for like 2 stories, then he stops and you think, oh good he's safe, just before he starts falling again. I know I've made a lot of poor choices in my life. I'd be a fool and a liar if I said otherwise, but it feels like not only am I not allowed to make up for those mistakes, I'm never allowed to change anything either. I just continue to fall head over heels down flight after flight of stairs never truly hitting the bottom. Just slowly loosing the few remaining things that still bring me a smidge of happiness.

On Monday I'll start looking for work in ernest, but I don't really know how much good its going to do. I've already been looking for over 6 months without anything but false hope and dead ends. I can't bear the thought of being unemployed again. There's so much more I want to say, but I've already stared at this blank page for 2 hours trying to say them, and I don't want to burn people out on my misery.