Something so Terrifying...

Ok, so I just had easily the most creepy worked based experience of my entire life. As Strong Bad would say, I have a serious case of the jibblies. So first things first, the back story.

About 2 months ago we sold this 80 year old man a computer. He was suffering a serious case of TsTo (To stupid to own), and did nothing but belittle and yell at us while we worked on his computer. We attempted to sell him AntiVirus and AntiSpyware software only to be screamed at and told we were trying to screw him out of more money by jacking up the agreed on price. Fine, whatever. Today he came back. Seems he got a virus (and a really nasty hijacker at that), big f'ing surprise.

Well of course because he got a virus on his new computer its our fault for not selling him the protection. He yelled and screwed, and turned bright red until someone finally got him a manager before he had a heart attack. In a disturbing trend, rather then actually deal with the customer, the manager shunted all responsibility on me saying we'll do all the labor on the computer for free. Meanwhile I'm standing behind him shaking my head vigorously 'No'. But its done, we'll do a complete system restore, partial data backup, and software install for free provided he buys the software (Thats 140 bucks in labor if you're counting kiddies).

He comes back an hour later. I ring him up for the software, and already we're having problems. The price is $100 for the AntiVirus, and AntiSpyware set he wants, after mail-in rebate. Well no one told him about the rebate, and of course he starts screaming at me, because he wants it for $100 bucks. Now the manager in all his wisdom never actually told him how much it'd be, he just pointed at the package sign, and said we'd do that for him. Finally I get the customer calmed down, and we start to get down to brass tacks, what he wants saved.

What does he want saved? He wants his DSL service to work on startup. Considering you have to have access to the modem, as well as the phone line from which it'll be dialing (provided the modem hasn't been setup to handle the connection, which from the sounds of it, it wasn't), naturally I can't do this. I attempted to explain this to the man, but he went crazy, cursing and screaming at me. He doesn't understand what I'm talking about, the manager promised, he already paid a fortune on this computer, we're just trying to cheat him, he's not going to pay a dime more, yadayadayada. Naturally all of this punctuated by f'bombs, and vigorous pounding on my table. So I call a manager over to deal with their promise, and you guessed it, more free labor. Not just free labor, we'll go over to his house and set it up for him, free labor. If you're keeping track, we're up to over 300 dollars in free labor now.

This placates the customer, and the manager leaves. So, being the good employee I am, I once more check with the customer on what else he might want saved. Some of you out there might think that whats gone on so far is what freaked me out, but oh no, believe me, thats just a normal day on the job, its what happened next that almost horrified me into a coma.

H: 'Soo umm, you seen those pictures on the internet?'
Oh no, another old man and his porn problems.
M: *looking straight down at shoes* 'Uhh not really.'
H: 'You know, they got them dirty pictures and stuff.'
Damn, couldn't ignore.
M: 'Uh, yeah.'
H: 'They sure got some crazy stuff up there.'
Just keep nodding and smiling and he'll go away, he has to go away, please God let him go away.
M: *still looking away* 'Uh Sure.'
H: 'You know what they got nowadays?'
Oh, God, he's going to talk about his personal fetish. Whats it going to be? Girl on Girl? Urination? If I'm lucky maybe its just Animals. Happy place, I must find my happy place.
M: *with trepidation in my heart* 'Uh no....'
H: 'They got these girls...'
at least its girls.
H: '...but they ain't girls...'
oh God.
H: '...they just look like they're girls.'
no, please no stop now.
H: 'They're actually guys.'
You can stop talking now.... Please, please stop talking now.
H: 'I tell you', *hearty smack across my back*, 'if I was a younger man hahahahaha.'
H: '...reach down there find a pair a balls hahahahahha.'

Ok, this, this alone would have been sufficient, but it was like a train wreck. It just kept coming, and all I could do was stand there, watching in horror as it unfolded. All told this guy talked with me for a good five to six more minutes, minutes where I searched in vain for something sharp to stab into my eye. It just kept getting worse and worse, I won't recount the rest of it to protect the innocent, but it involved construction workers, himself, and his camera.

I need a shower NOW!!!! *shudder*.