Suppose it could be more strange.

I found this on Teal's blog and decided to take it myself. Strange in that I'm writing this super long blog post about, well Capricorn's. Ah well, life's been being weird and contradictory to me for months now. At least I know if I come across myself in a parellel dimension we'd probably hate each other ;)

Never Date a Capricorn

Somber, demanding, and freakishly logical. Emotions? It's not clear that Capricorn has them. And while it may be flattering for a Capricorn to be serious about you, bad news: they expect you to be super serious in return. Instead try dating: Aquarius, Gemini, Leo, or Virgo

What Sign Shouldn't You Date?

Star Light Star Bright

So I'm sitting here with some candles and incense going, listening to some jazz and occasionally some folk/celtic music. Its times like this that I most hate being single. Between the time when everyone else has gone home to do their own things, and the time when you know you have to go to bed. You run out of things to distract yourself with. There are no more books to read, no more CDs to pop into the stereo, no more movies to watch. You know all you really want to do is curl up with someone special, and enjoy the evening but there's no one there. So you sit there staring off into the dark candles flickering off the ceiling, debating whether its better to turn in increadibly early and hope tomorrow is better, or stave off sleep hoping you can find something to occupy your time. I hate this time of night most of all. Maybe I'll go take a walk under the stars and hope they guide me somewhere interesting.

Things I want to do before I die.

1) Play the cowardly lion in 'Wizard of Oz'.
2) Read through all the works of Shakespeare.
3) Learn to play the Guitar well.
4) Get a really good tan.
5) Get horribly horribly lost, and not care.
6) Learn to play at least one other instrument.
7) Visit Ireland, Japan England, Paris, Italy, and Germany, not necissarily in that order.
8) Learn Blacksmithing.
9) Buy and ride a motorcycle.
10) Own a home with one room dedicated as a library.
11) Make love in a raging thunder storm.
12) Go camping, and backpacking in either Yosemitte, Yellow Stone, or Redwood National Park for a week.
13) Learn Latin.
14) Take someone dancing.
15) For that matter learn how to dance.
16) Have no less than two kids.
17) Pay off my student loans.
18) Build something with my own two hands.
19) Spend the night under the stars curled up with someone special.
20) Get shot into space.

There are probably more, but this is all I can think of at the moment.

Melodies

I don't usually just post a bunch of song lyrics, but I've found this song very fitting the last couple of weeks.

Am I loud and clear or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer or we just getting more lost?
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first.
Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse.
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

[Chorus]We live on front porches and swing life away.
We get by just fine here on minimum wage.
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end.
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand.

I've been here so long; think that its time to move.
The winter's so cold summer's over too soon.
So let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow.
I've got some friends some I hardly know.
But we've had some times I wouldn't trade for the world.
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

[Chorus]We live on front porches and swing life away.
We get by just fine here on minimum wage.
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end.
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand until you hold my hand.

- "Swing Life Away" Rise Against

Things

Well I haven't posted anything for a bit because I've been caught up in writting this essay of a post from like a week ago. A lot of things have happened since I started writing that so I figured I'd take a break from it and just write something else.

As much as I've tried to stay upbeat lately, tried to stay positive and live life day to day, things just continue to slide. You can't be happy in life until your happy with yourself, but right now it feels like I couldn't catch a break if I found one laying in the road with two broken legs. [As an aside, I've just been told I'm incompetent because I don't know how to install a ribbon in a thirty year old electric type writer]. I've tried so hard to reconnect with myself, figure out what it is I want to do with my life, but everytime I try and take a step in any of those directions the door just gets slammed in my face. Rather than give me some sign of hope, everyday just brings me news of another friend whose decided to leave, another form rejection letter from some uncaring HR department, or news of another attempt to move my life forward thats failed. I'm trying to hang on, but I desperatly need a break and I don't see one comming. I hate asking for help as much as I hate sounding like a whiney loser, but right now I could really use a hand. Failing all that I could use a hug from someone who cares.