When the world gives you shit....

You do what? Make Shitade? One of my favorite Penny Arcade comics, but it's true of my life at the moment. As many of you know I had an interview last week for a tech position down in Crete. The interview went pretty well we spoke for around three hours, and I was pretty drained by the end of it, not surprising considering it sometimes felt like a three hour psychiatric evaluation. I was a little unhappy that they'd significantly lowered the salary from when they'd originally spoken to me, but its still a good job so I was pretty hopeful. Unfortunatly it's looking like I did not get the position. I'm still trying to be optimistic and hold out hope, but they told me they'd call at the earlist on Wensday, but said they'd definatly be calling 'this week'. They haven't called me, and more upsetting is the fact that as near as I can tell they haven't called a single one of my references.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I can't continue to live off of less then 100 bucks a week. On top of that my savings is almost completly run out, I'm literally almost bankrupt. I'm tired of feeling like a failure, and tired of family members and friends (not anyone who reads this blog so don't send me e-mails saying, 'I don't think you're a failure') thinking I am. I'm tired of being lonely. I just honestly don't know what to do anymore.

I thought when Melissa forwarded me this job that I'd finally figured everything out. This was it, finally some direction to my life at a real job that actually seemed to care about their employees. No more constant lying to customers with the threat of being fired if I didn't hanging over my head. Even when they lowerd the salary and I knew I'd be making half of the 50,000 a year they'd initially promised I still felt that this was the job for me. I could finally answer the question, where would I be in 3 years time, and work with a good team of people. I suppose looking back on it, I'd done what I always did and counted my chickens before they hatched. I've been through this enough that I should have known better, but I just felt that this time would really be different.

I'm still kind of holding out hope. Maybe it was just a harder decision then I thought, maybe they're discussing it. I mean it did take three hours with them to complete the interview, maybe they're just taking a long time to sift through all the resumes again. Thoughts like this though just make calling on Monday to see whats going on even harder. You don't want to shatter the illusion of hope, because thats all thats keeping you from breaking down.

*sigh* I just don't know what I'm going to do anymore.