Happy Pantsday.

So a belated happy birthday goes out to myself. I'd meant to post yesterday, but I was having so much fun waiting in line at the DMV that I just plumb forgot. Weee!!

My Birthdays usually suck, and yesterday really wasn't much of an exception. Because a clerk at Fry's snapped my license in half I wasn't able to do early renewal and had to go down to the DMV and wait in line for two hours to get a new one instead of going to the Art Museum like I'd originally planned. When I got back my dad was to tired to go out and do anything, so I went and waited for an oil change and then got a hair cut. I really try not to be a present oriented person, but its hard to not feel at least a little let down when you get three pairs of pants (and a guilt trip from your mom, though I suppose that doesn't count). Even Invader Zim quotes can't cheer me up over this one. I did get to go down to GO and hang out with everyone. I was going to get pizza to make it feel a little more celebratory, but I was way to tapped after Christmas, and buying alcohol for Saturday night. I played Matt in a game of Warmachine which was fun and we got to hang out afterwards, so that was pretty much the highlight of my day.

I didn't want to sound like an ass or something by saying I didn't want to talk about my Birthday two days ago. The truth is I just don't want to sound like I just go around complaining about everything, and I don't want to sound depressing. Focusing on the negative in life all the time doesn't help anyone, and just depresses everyone. No one wants to be around a negative person, and while I'm by no means an optimist, I try desperately to stay a realist rather then fall to the depths of a pessimist. Since I don't want to make this seem like some great mystery, however, here's the long and short of why I don't like my birthday.

One problem is that it falls on the 28th of December. That's three days before New Years, and three days after Christmas. This means that I not only get to suffer through the Holiday blahs, and feeling like crap for not being with anyone special for the holidays like everyone else, I also get to suffer through all the same exact crap associated with birthday, all at the same time! This leads generally to one big ball of depression and loneliness on one single day, the 28th being the halfway point between the holidays after all.

Another reason I hate my birthday is because I have very few good birthday memories. Largely my birthday memories revolve around no one coming. My friends were generally busy, or out of town for the holidays, and my relatives were basically assholes (they thought it would spare my feelings to wait until 5pm on my birthday to call and say they'd all suddenly fallen ill just about every year on the 28th). This meant that the vast majority of my birthdays were spent at home, with my parents, and my cranky grandma bitching about her retirement home, loads of fun for the whole family. Even my best birthday memory, going to visit the Art Museum for the Picasso Exhibit (*gurgle* Picasso) is tempered by memories of my parents divorce, the awkward car ride there, their constant sniping at one another the entire time, and my youngest sister throwing a tantrum because she was bored, and having to leave early.

While its not such a big deal anymore, except for this years pants fiasco, another reason I traditionally hated my birthday is presents. When its painfully obvious that all your presents came from the discount aisle of Toys'R'Us (Ghostbuster toys 3 years after the show ended anyone?), or are birthday AND Christmas presents, it kind of kills the whole mood.

Finally when you're reflecting on all your previous birthday memories, you end up thinking about thousands of associated memories that go along right with it. My parents telling me about their divorce a week before my Birthday, for example, or anyone of a half a billion horrifying memories from high school, and grade school, which is just another big ball of psychosis in and of itself. Then there's the feeling of having not accomplished anything in life, of going from one absolute dead end job that pays next to nothing, to the next. By the end of the day I'm usually in a terribly depressed state, whether I show it or not.

So there you have it, why I hate my birthday in a nut shell. I really hope I didn't depress anyone, but I didn't want their to be this kinda of awkwardness associated with my birthday and everyone. Its not like I was raped on my birthday, just a lot of bad memories, and blahness.